When have I ever been ready for Christmas?
Parol isn't up, lights aren't up, shopping hasn't started, mall Santa picture not accomplished, Christmas cards not sent (nor has the box been opened). Only our little tree has been set, although one side of it is not decorated since G & A didn't realize that there is another side to the tree.
But in no way are any of the above have replaced the true meaning of the season. Just saying.

When have I ever been ready for Christmas?
Parol isn't up, lights aren't up, shopping hasn't started, mall Santa picture not accomplished, Christmas cards not sent (nor has the box been opened). Only our little tree has been set, although one side of it is not decorated since G & A didn't realize that there is another side to the tree.
But in no way are any of the above have replaced the true meaning of the season. Just saying.

Come home so tired, and I get two hugs. Erased everything away. I love your hugs.

Guess who's in Kinder!

Gerard entered kindergarten this week!
He's been doing so very well. We're glad that he's at Sunset, and he is in very good hands with Ms. Miller. He's already made a few friends: Owen, Spyder, Ethan, Finn. Not sure who else. But he's already familiarized with his classmates' name and the first week isn't even over. He knows his routine already after the first day!

My boy, I am so proud of you. You turned my life around when I found out about your existence, and here you are, growing before my very eyes.

I love you, son. 

I have been reading this story over and over....
http://news.nurse.com/article/20130819/EOS1/108190022

It's so sad, yet, the stories that help me to love life everyday.

I still very much remember the first night we brought you home Aubrey. You cried all night, and I didn't get any sleep. I carried and cradled you, and whispered advice to you for however long it took to calm you down. I don't remember what I said, but I rambled on and on. But I also held you the whole time.

You've grown so attached to me, and I do believe it's because since you've been born you know and feel how much I love you. We've been so close to each other, and it's never changed. For the first minutes after your birth, I got to hold you right away. And I held you as much as I could, until we had to return to the hospital for your surgery. When I couldn't hold you for days after that, I was extremely heartbroken. Because I couldn't hold you, and your brother was with grandparents and I couldn't hug him either. That was the worst week of my life, but it was also the best week since you were saved and recovering.

I love you, my babygirl. 

Practice spelling

Aubrey, at 3, is actively reading and spelling. Here is her own attempt at spelling "coyote."

She is currently able to spell her own name perfectly :)

My funny girl

Aubrey: I have to vomit
Mama: No, don't vomit. Keep it in.
Aubrey: Ok. But I have to vomit!
Mama: Why? You're not gonna grow.
Aubrey: I need to vomit.

So I took you to the bathroom, while saying you shouldn't vomit. At the trash can, you burped....

Aubrey: Oh, I just needed to burp!
Mama: hahaha! 

Birthday tag card for Gerard

From April 14, 2013

I asked Aubrey what she wanted to be when she's grown up.
Just like me, at almost around the same age, she had a list of careers in her plans.

She responded, "Doctor, Nurse, Teacher, Grandma and Mama."

I laughed and told her that's cool, but she'll have to pray really hard. But I meant she'd have to pray really hard for the last two, because that isn't happening for a long time! I didn't tell her that, but....

She proceed to pray the Our Father.

That made me laugh even more.

I play this really mean joke on you kids.

I tell you that I'm not your real mom. Your real mom is someone else, someone who's cuter than me.

Well, Gerard, you never believe me. You and Aubrey are convinced I am your real mom. You pulled out your baby album to show I was there, and it was me who gave birth to you.

Aubrey claims that because I live with you I'm your real mom. And the fact that grandma knows who I am, makes me your real mom.

So I couldn't back my lie anymore. I then told you that I just wanted my old life back. You frowned at the thought, and wanted me to stay in your life because you want a mom. I kept on with my mean joke. I begged that I want to go back in time so I could be free.

You gave in, and said I could have a day of my old life back. I said this wasn't enough, that I wanted 1000 days. You really didn't like that one. Eventually, you gave me 2 days to live my old life.

Well, after this went on a bit, I had to get up and get you kids ready to bed.

I will NEVER trade anything and anyone I have in my life now for the past. You kids are MY life. You got me forever. :)

Praying

As Gerard went through his night time prayers, asking God if He can help him to be good, etc...

Aubrey answered with "yes."

Hahah
-------------

Both children are now praying more than The Lord's Prayer. :)

You sweet, sweet darlings!

Tonight, after your showers, you joined me on my bed as I played Candy Crush. You two are the sweetest children! Gerard, you were cheering me on in the game, and blurting gentle "I love you" along the way. Aubrey, you were playing with my hair and making me feel good.

I am in looooooooooove with my darlings. 

As we walked to the shower, Aubrey asked if she could recite the Lord's Prayer. So she did, and ended it with, "the end."

When I think about my first glimpse at each baby of mine, it puts such a big smile on my face.
Since I don't have a picture of each of those moments, I'll describe it here. So that one day, you will somehow visualize how I saw you.

Gerard: My first glimpse of you, you were being pulled out of me by Dr. Rittenhouse. I saw your grimacing face, and your neck stretched up that very moment -- so stretched it concerned me at that very second if your neck was okay. I have never seen a human being stretch its neck like that, much less my own baby! You did not cry right away at all. Your birth was such an easy breezy experience for me. I felt you push yourself out, even though I was pushing just as hard. I felt you moving across!

Aubrey: My first glimpse of you, you were being carried like a human airplane (your chest was rested on the doctor's hand) -- your eyes captivated me! They were wide open and looking straight up to the light/ceiling/wall... but not at me (of course). You did not cry either. I had a sense of relief as soon as I saw you :) The delivery doctor said you weren't quite in the position you should have been right before you came out, so she had to stick her hand inside of me to try and turn you over.


Thank you for sharing your lives with me. I am ever enriched having you, and I will always keep my vow to love you forever and ever and ever and ever. 

April 15

I try, I really try, to spend the rest of my time with you children.

Sometimes I just get so distant because I do need the break, but it's hard for me to leave you so I can be my own self. Hence, you'll hear me say "I'm busy" or "I'll do it later" when really, I want to do everything with you all the time. It's just impossible.

I'm glad that our shares of "I love you" to each other are always present. I shall remember this for years to come, and I do hope that it continues for the rest of our lives together. Too many reports lately, of awful teenagers doing horrible offenses to others. I don't want you in that crowd. So, one day, if you read this, I hope you are reading it as good-hearted people. I do not ever want to hear about you hurting someone else, or invading someone else's privacy for your own pleasure. This is not right, and you will hear me say this each chance I have to. We teach you to respect, to learn patience, and most of all, to understand the situation. You shall be guided, and equipped with the tools to make decisions for yourself, and I hope you only choose the right ones. If you don't, well, I hope it's nothing so horrible that it lands you in jail. But from others, learn from them.

This is why it's important for me to spend all my time with you. But I know that we need our own time away from each other, or we won't learn anything.

Love you.

Love you very, very much.


And happy 5th birthday to Gerard. My sweet, darling boy. I'm so proud of you. 

Even though I am not always around or available to hug you kids, you should know that you're always on my mind. I am always thinking about how your hugs feel so warm, and your tight arms around me show that we need each other's physical touch. I go crazy holding your hand, or carrying you, although you always hear me say get off. =P

Those random greetings

You know what really makes my day?

When either of you randomly just come up to me to say "I love you." I will NEVER ignore that, no matter how busy or sick I am.

I am going to miss this a lot when you're both older and not saying this to me anymore. But I hope that you continue to do this, no matter what age you're in.

Because I love you both very much. 

As I sit here surfing the internet and encouraging Aubrey to finish some of her dinner, we're having a conversation about poop, her favorite subject as of late. ----- Both kids had gotten sick over the weekend. Started with Gerard vomiting in his sleep on Friday night, and then diarrhea followed. I took him to sleep on the couch so I could keep an eye on him, and he did vomit throughout the night. We took him to the afterhours clinic next day where he received a pill to stop the vomiting. He improved a whole lot, but by Sunday evening, I started to feel the funk. For the most part, I thought I caught what Gerard was having. But it ended up being a separate bug -- a flu! Then much later Sunday night, Aubrey vomited in her sleep. That sealed my decision to call in sick on Monday morning, when I felt much worse. Aubrey woke up almost every hour after the vomiting started, and I had to catch her hourly vomits with a steel bowl. We both slept on the couch so that she wouldn't vomit on her precious bed. At that point, all 3 of us were in the living room: Gerard on the red couch, Aubrey and I on the black couch. Monday morning came, and I asked Egan to stay home from work to nurse us, as I didn't trust my body to be able to do that. I was mostly bed ridden, but only after I woke up from Aubrey's final overnight vomiting. She had a major diarrhea accident but thank goodness that was as far as that got. We both had doctor appointments for the afternoon, and by then, we both had improved. I was up on my feet by evening time doing my usual chores.

It is a bit jealousing to see some people have more free time than I do.

Yet, I know I am set for life with what I already have. So jealousy void. =P

Approximate transcription. Calling my parents' house to check on G&A...

Gerard: Hi uncle Ramylle
Me: I'm not uncle Ramylle
Gerard: Mama? Grandpa thought it was uncle. He made a mistake. He's so silly.
Me: Everyone makes mistakes. It's ok.
Me: What are you doing?
Gerard: Talking to you on the phone
Me: What were you doing before I called?


 -----------
After that went into a spiral of different things he said. haha

Potty training vs. parents

Well, we have tried for a whole year to potty train Aubrey ourselves and we kept losing.
But this last week alone, Aubrey just picked it up all of a sudden! Also, I think, being in school now had a lot to do with it. And she's only gone for 2 days.

She insists on wearing pull-ups, and tells us when she needs to go.

But she hasn't yet gone #2 in the big pot. It is a BIG STEP for us (and her) to go #1 though.

Very grateful to have family nearby to help raise Gerard and Aubrey. To live in an expensive city on modest incomes, one must rely on resources. Truly, truly grateful to have resources.

Joy is...........

When Aubrey arrives at grandma and grandpa's house singing Jingle Bells loudly, and it's already the 3rd week of January

:)

Love my babes.