I asked Aubrey what she wanted to be when she's grown up.
Just like me, at almost around the same age, she had a list of careers in her plans.

She responded, "Doctor, Nurse, Teacher, Grandma and Mama."

I laughed and told her that's cool, but she'll have to pray really hard. But I meant she'd have to pray really hard for the last two, because that isn't happening for a long time! I didn't tell her that, but....

She proceed to pray the Our Father.

That made me laugh even more.

I play this really mean joke on you kids.

I tell you that I'm not your real mom. Your real mom is someone else, someone who's cuter than me.

Well, Gerard, you never believe me. You and Aubrey are convinced I am your real mom. You pulled out your baby album to show I was there, and it was me who gave birth to you.

Aubrey claims that because I live with you I'm your real mom. And the fact that grandma knows who I am, makes me your real mom.

So I couldn't back my lie anymore. I then told you that I just wanted my old life back. You frowned at the thought, and wanted me to stay in your life because you want a mom. I kept on with my mean joke. I begged that I want to go back in time so I could be free.

You gave in, and said I could have a day of my old life back. I said this wasn't enough, that I wanted 1000 days. You really didn't like that one. Eventually, you gave me 2 days to live my old life.

Well, after this went on a bit, I had to get up and get you kids ready to bed.

I will NEVER trade anything and anyone I have in my life now for the past. You kids are MY life. You got me forever. :)

Praying

As Gerard went through his night time prayers, asking God if He can help him to be good, etc...

Aubrey answered with "yes."

Hahah
-------------

Both children are now praying more than The Lord's Prayer. :)

You sweet, sweet darlings!

Tonight, after your showers, you joined me on my bed as I played Candy Crush. You two are the sweetest children! Gerard, you were cheering me on in the game, and blurting gentle "I love you" along the way. Aubrey, you were playing with my hair and making me feel good.

I am in looooooooooove with my darlings. 

As we walked to the shower, Aubrey asked if she could recite the Lord's Prayer. So she did, and ended it with, "the end."

When I think about my first glimpse at each baby of mine, it puts such a big smile on my face.
Since I don't have a picture of each of those moments, I'll describe it here. So that one day, you will somehow visualize how I saw you.

Gerard: My first glimpse of you, you were being pulled out of me by Dr. Rittenhouse. I saw your grimacing face, and your neck stretched up that very moment -- so stretched it concerned me at that very second if your neck was okay. I have never seen a human being stretch its neck like that, much less my own baby! You did not cry right away at all. Your birth was such an easy breezy experience for me. I felt you push yourself out, even though I was pushing just as hard. I felt you moving across!

Aubrey: My first glimpse of you, you were being carried like a human airplane (your chest was rested on the doctor's hand) -- your eyes captivated me! They were wide open and looking straight up to the light/ceiling/wall... but not at me (of course). You did not cry either. I had a sense of relief as soon as I saw you :) The delivery doctor said you weren't quite in the position you should have been right before you came out, so she had to stick her hand inside of me to try and turn you over.


Thank you for sharing your lives with me. I am ever enriched having you, and I will always keep my vow to love you forever and ever and ever and ever. 

April 15

I try, I really try, to spend the rest of my time with you children.

Sometimes I just get so distant because I do need the break, but it's hard for me to leave you so I can be my own self. Hence, you'll hear me say "I'm busy" or "I'll do it later" when really, I want to do everything with you all the time. It's just impossible.

I'm glad that our shares of "I love you" to each other are always present. I shall remember this for years to come, and I do hope that it continues for the rest of our lives together. Too many reports lately, of awful teenagers doing horrible offenses to others. I don't want you in that crowd. So, one day, if you read this, I hope you are reading it as good-hearted people. I do not ever want to hear about you hurting someone else, or invading someone else's privacy for your own pleasure. This is not right, and you will hear me say this each chance I have to. We teach you to respect, to learn patience, and most of all, to understand the situation. You shall be guided, and equipped with the tools to make decisions for yourself, and I hope you only choose the right ones. If you don't, well, I hope it's nothing so horrible that it lands you in jail. But from others, learn from them.

This is why it's important for me to spend all my time with you. But I know that we need our own time away from each other, or we won't learn anything.

Love you.

Love you very, very much.


And happy 5th birthday to Gerard. My sweet, darling boy. I'm so proud of you.